If you go to the woman’s section of any clothing store, you’ll likely see products that are meant to give women a boost in self-confidence says Paul Haarman. There are countless books out there that give advice on how to be more confident. But why are so many people lacking confidence? And why is it so hard to shake?
This was the question I sought to answer when I wrote my new book. After experiencing my own challenges with confidence, I began researching what caused this lack of self-belief and how people overcame it. The information is out there – but scattered all around. That’s why I wanted to pull everything together into one, easy-to-read book that explains everything.
The book is called How to Build Confidence: 6 Steps to Remember. And it’s available for free until Friday.
- Knowledge is power. If you’re looking for a source of confidence – or know someone who needs help building theirs – this book will show you how it’s done.
- I’ve talked about confidence in my previous posts. But I felt it deserved its own post as the subject is so complex and interesting. So, what exactly is confidence? How can we tell if someone has it or not? What does it entail?
- Confidence is the belief in your capabilities and trust in yourself. Simply put: you feel competent and comfortable with whom you are so you don’t let unexpected challenges get to you. You know that if something bad happens, everything will turn out okay. And that gives you the strength to take risks and accomplish great things while staying composed even when facing failure.
- The way we look at our abilities and ourselves affects how confident we feel so do the experiences we have and how we process them. That’s why some people think they are good at something when, in reality, they suck. They keep having “success” after “success,” which reinforces their belief that they’re on the right track and makes them more confident. But it’s only because of dumb luck; if you took someone who is equally inexperienced but has no confidence and did everything exactly the same way, success would be less likely to happen.
- Confidence – or lack thereof – affects all areas of your life: career, relationships and personal goals. It has a huge impact on your performance and the quality of your decisions. So if you want to get ahead of others and live a better life, building confidence should be one of your primary goals says Paul Haarman.
- But how do you build confidence in a world that’s constantly trying to beat it out of you? This guide will focus on specific actions and habits that can help. And the best part is: these things will make you more confident in every area of your life – even if you don’t use them all!
How Confidence Works (The Neuroscience)
No matter why people lack confidence, there are always three core elements involved: thoughts, feelings and behaviors. If we want to know how to gain it, we need to understand what happens when someone feels confident and then compare it with the opposite scenario: feeling unconfident.
What does confidence feel like? The Science
First of all, I wanted to address one common misconception about confidence. A lot of people think it’s about not caring what others think – essentially, being cocky and self-centered. But the reality is very different.
It’s true that if you want to be confident, you need to appreciate yourself and feel good about your abilities and qualities (or simply stop thinking negatively). However, that doesn’t mean you should focus solely on yourself to the point where other people don’t matter. Real confidence isn’t just about disregarding feedback from others; it’s also about valuing their opinions for what they are – just opinions, nothing more explains Paul Haarman.
Put it this way:
Would someone who truly feels great ignore everyone else because he knows he can do whatever he wants? Of course not! If anything, he would expect the opinions of those around him and care about them even more.
After all, you can’t make everyone like you; there will always be people who don’t share your views and preferences. But that doesn’t mean their views are worthless. They could know things you don’t or have experienced different kinds of hardships that taught them how to deal with certain things in a way that works for them but might not work for you. Or they could simply prefer something else because it makes them feel good, which is also valid!
Confidence doesn’t equal self-centeredness or disregarding others’ opinions says Paul Haarman. It’s about being able to take them into account in whatever way you want.